I dont write for you...

I write for myself. I write to express the thoughts that seem to run through my head on a consistent basis. I just have not had the time, or rather the energy to actually sit down and get the shit done. Hence, a 5 month delay. It's always funny to come back after such long blogging hiatus because more often than not all the things that I mention or set out to do, usually gets done. Or I can reflect on my actions and 1- pat myself on the back for doing such a good job as well as 2- thank God. You be lookin' out for da kid!

Well, since my last entry I have trained for and completed my first half marathon, which for the record wasn't too shabby. I did pretty well actually finishing in 1:44:32. I have my second half, the Brooklyn Half next week so needless to say, I am still running consistently and getting stronger day by day. I re-read one of my blogs after Lou passed saying that I wanted to run one of these many races benefitting cancer of some kind and I did just that. Super proud of myself. I hope to do more. There is something unexplainably gratifying about training and running for a cause even when it doesn't directly affect you. I made some new friends via LLS Team in Training and I would love to sign up again if that damn fundraising minimum wasn't so daunting. At least I can say that for once in my life, I ran for a purpose.

I must say that running has become such an integral part of my life that it feels odd when I dont run. Aside from my typical Friday off. I average 5-6 runs per week with approximately 5 miles per outing. I can afford to cut back after my race next week but  I really dont even see the point. I just change my clothes and go as far as my legs will carry me. It's to the point where even when I dont have the true intention of running it kind of just happens. I unconsciously change my clothes and find myself in a sports bra and shorts before I realize Im dressed to run. I dont know if thats a good or a bad thing. I was in the shower and I was just thinking about why I run. I dont have a goal anymore and I think I need to set one because now running is just whatever and routes are becoming monotonous. I need a new challenge. I attempted kick boxing and tried to have Greg teach me but with him, Id rather take the L and keep it moving. With him, it just wouldn't work out. I need to introduce calisthenics and strengthen my upper body/ core. I feel like a weakling, stamina aside.

Well, in other news on the job frontier I am gainfully employed. A little over two months office managing at a structural engineering firm. Real tiny, quiet but pleasant. Some things I find idiotic and archaic but whatever. I am just glad that it is something new. I definitely needed the change. At least now I am adjusted although there are still some things I need to learn. Replacing someone who was there for 12 years... not the business.

Regarding relationships and dating... yeah... If I could use one word to describe my relationships with men the past few months it would be unrequited, on my part that is. People show me interest and I'm just here like "meh." People get boring and I just cant be bothered. Half the time they just want to sleep with me and I am absolutely not here for that. How about you learn what my favorite color is first? Funnily enough I find myself in a situationship. Parties of course will never be mentioned but this situationship is interesting to say the least.  It's a grey area between relationship and basic friendship.  I enjoy it for what it is I just hope that my Aquarian denial isnt getting the best of me. On the other hand, I have been talking to someone new who seems to have potential but let's see where that goes.

In other news mas o menos important
- started a bad habit of buying  Js I like... i feel like such a coon
- many summer activities planned and i. am. excited!
- Sierra passed the bar. My best friend is an attorney.. Bourgie ass esquire
- Annie is doing a great job of losing weight.. she's gonna be so svelte by 2014!
- Ive taken to loosely training my friends on distance running
- Wearing contacts after a 7 year hiatus .. and new frames =)

Yeahhhhhh.. I think that's about it. I guess I will return here again in a few months.. HA.  To whoever read this, be well

~Danni

Forrest Gump

I do not write consistently but I needed to get some thoughts out and well, here I am.

So for the past year I been running like a lunatic, as seen above. Finally, I put the fire under my ass and signed up with an organization to run the 2013 NYC Half Marathon. I am running with the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society's Team in Training. Under this organization I will train and run this race and simultaneously raise money to which will go towards LLS and blood cancer research.

How did I end up there? LLS’s TNT ads played very often on the Pandora stations I listen to and they piqued my interest. I finally took the time to check out the website and requested more information because it still sounded good.  Eventually I signed up and now one month later I am registered for the 2013 NYC Half.  It’s pretty dope and I am pretty excited.

I don’t have family or friends suffering from any blood cancers. You would think that that would give you less incentive but it really doesn’t. I am honestly very proud of myself that I am doing this because I promised myself that I would stop running for “no reason” and run for something that matters (my personal health and fitness aside).  What I am doing is helping others and knowing that gives me a feeling of satisfaction.

No matter how crappy the weather is and how sore I feel after Tuesday workouts, I remain inspired to keep going.  Coaches, mentors, and fellow teammates are friendly and supportive and push you to do more.  Outside of that my friends and family tell me to go even when I don’t want to. It’s not the running or sets of SEXC7 (cross training.. blegh) that deter me. It’s that weather that sometimes dampens one’s spirit. Admittedly, its only horrible the first few minutes, even if it’s raining. After that it becomes oddly enjoyable, as per this picture from last Sunday. Peep the rain drops on my jacket and cheesy smile. Both are really real. LOL 

With that being said, here I am still running and still going. Running for a great purpose to which you should contribute! I would appreciate if you help me raise my fundraising goal. Your proceeds will help those individuals in need. Thanks in advance.

My Fundraising Page

Here... for some reason

May,  June, July, August.  4 Months. It seems like I went much longer without blogging thought. My usual issue being too lazy or too tired to write and feeling like I don't have much to say. Summer has come and it's almost out the door. Time flies when you are having fun. Drunken and/ or wild enjoyable nights, long runs, and everything else in between.  Way more miles accumulated. 56 Runs. 264 miles. My more feet and footwear.

I think I find myself blogging today due to news that I received this morning. Found out my other boss passed. He was struggling with cancer for about a year but at least he is in a better place. I'm saddened by it. Not in tears or anything but death is always a sobering thing. And on the basis of it being Cancer its even more sobering. In under 2 years I have had 4 people in my life diagnosed with cancer and 2 of them passed. My uncle and now my boss. I mean I wasn't close to my uncle as Ive only met him once in my life but just the mere fact of it all. Cancer does not discriminate. It knows no face, gender, race, religion, sex. Nothing. Cherish your health (mind body and soul). Disregard those mild aches and pains because if you don't need severe medical attention, you are fortunate. In light of his passing, as well as news of my other uncle's diagnosis I think I want to run one of those races against Cancer. It's only fitting.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch.....

I realize more and more that I love my college friends but I have grown apart from them. Things we used to do I dont quite enjoy anymore. Mixxy environments. Chasing the night. Party scenes. Not with it anymore. It's a part of life. Welp.

On the job front, things are looking better. I have more hope and an interview coming up. Feeling good about that.

Relationship wise, no one moves me. I'm not looking. Id rather listen to music and chill out for dolo. We will see how long that lasts.

Anyhow, im done here.

One bad foot and 25 miles later

So the last time I had blogged I had just completed my insane run of 9.14 miles to 59th Street. I never mentioned that I had an odd pain in my foot that didn't affect my running but was just annoying as hell. It came and went and after a good week and change of harassment by my peers I went to check it out. So I prayed to the athletic gods that it wasn't anything serious, like a broken bone. Turns out that it is tendinitis, which isn't horrible but still no fun either. I got a prescription for naproxen and was told to take a rest, change my foot wear and do low impact cardio. None of which really works with my lifestyle. Im always on the go, love shoes that aren't good for me (sans heels) and low impact cardio when i wanna run miles? The weather has been (un)forgiving and (forcing) allowing me to rest. I haven't rested enough because the spot on my foot is kind of swollen and I am disheartened by that. On another note, despite not running as regularly as i would like to, I am getting stronger. I don't feel it while I run but when i check my splits, it proves otherwise.

Job wise, MS moves slower than IDK what. Gonna keep my hopes up, prayers up, and keep applying elsewhere.

As for my romantic life, that's interesting to say the least. I decided Greg and I should be friends. He's an awesome guy but I don't know. I enjoy spending time with him but being together, it seems like a forced thing. There are other people who seem interested. I haven't invested much thought but I will give the time of day to at least see if they are pleasant to be around.

Looking forward to change. It's needed, and wanted.

A runners thoughts...

Fear is crippling. If you let it do that. I feel like I invite too much of it into my life, and it is time for it to make its exit.

BYE!

It's funny though. I started this blog a few days ago in a different mood than I am in now. I started it with the feeling of anxiety, as is the story of my life. Always anxious.  But as of this moment, while I was talking to Joz  about working out and dieting and etc etc I realized something. She already has it in her head that she can't alter her eating habits to accommodate a healthier lifestyle/ working out. Which to me just sounds like negativity and a deterrent in the air. Now,  I know that this seems kind of unrelated but not really.  Doubt is negativity. Fear is negativity and it is a work in progress to remove all negativity from my life.

I've been thinking a lot. Because as you can tell from my previous blog that I was/ am in a state of limbo for lack of a better word.  I know where I want to be with regards to fall 2013 but that is an entire year and change away and it is just to find something to do in between then and now. I have my running to keep me occupied and God willing a new job sooner than later. My hope with regards to job employment wavers because it has and will always be a daunting experience but something will happen. My time will come. 

I am thankful for this bit of clarity that I needed ever so much. But in other news, well kinda new news, this running.. MAN.

I ran 9.14 miles yesterday at 8:49 per mile. This includes stop lights.  I would have kept going if my knees didn't give out on a broad. I must say that despite how tired I am today I an unbelievably proud of myself. I never thought that I would be able to get here even though in theory it sounded logical. Regardless of how easy, and I use the term loosely, it is for me to run around Prospect Park. Those first few miles are ALWAYS a struggle. Admittedly, it is getting easier and I can tell that I am getting stronger. Mental and physical strength make those runs more enjoyable. I said that I wanted to hit a solid 10 miles by the summer and look! Summer isn't even here yet but i am not far from my goal. The next step after 10 miles is 13.1 - HALF MARATHON

Crazy. Which means I should probably register for the NYC Marathon because the weather is relatively consistent as well as my running. I can work my way up to that 26.2  Because I am a third of the way there. Feels damn good to say that. So as to maintain all the glory that are these runs I now have to introduce more dietary supplements and remove a bunch of shit. Long story short, healthy living. More water. More fruit. More vegetables. More Protein.  Small weights.  Sort of unrelated- I haven't had sex in over a month and even that I feel good about. Energy preservation. LOL

I'll leave this blog right here. Good night. =)

...

Do you write for sake of writing or do you write so people can read it? Just a thought.

I write for myself. If you so happen to encounter my infrequent ramblings, then fine. Comment, or not. I am indifferent either way. Im consistently inconsistent. I don't have the energy or rather the patience to just sit and allow my fingers to tap against me keys to produce lord knows what.

I'm tired. Of a lot. People. Things. Sometimes myself.

I've started running again. Like not no casual run around the park in under half an hour. Long ass runs just because I feel like it. I ran (according to what I have logged) 17.72 miles this week. You would think that I am training for something. Well, yes and no. Yes, in theory I am working my way up to a solid 10 miles or half marathon. No, because I am just running because it makes me happy. Makes me feel good mentally and physically. Despite the fact that I should honestly be weight training instead of so much running, I do it anyway. I am 5'10 and 125 as of last Thursday. Underweight, I know but I am healthy. I don't know about the whole weight training/ lifting thing but I'm just going to attempt increasing my caloric intake. Attempt. I might go take a hiatus from typing and go look food. Craving fish sticks. Don't ask. LOL

So that explains my fatigue, the physical aspect anyway. With regards of being tired of myself? Things I know I need to change. Unsure of how to go about it. Scared to go about it. Too lazy to try. Wondering what I am doing wrong. Having no absolute idea of where to start or what  have you. I know that these are all incomplete sentences. I write how I think. I don't have mastery of grammar but I think I am pretty decent and can get away with typing like this every now and then. I need to find out what truly makes me happy. Just in one of those phases where I feel blah about things.  Jesus be a call back. A gift in that form.    Surprise me with that type of change.

People wise? Withdrawn a bit. Not responding to my girls' email chain as often (5x a week).  People I just don't feel like seeing. My tolerance is just low with regards to socializing and work wise. I just can't be bothered. Maybe a day with my girls will change that. But mostly everyone else? MEH.

HOWEVER,
I have been spending some considerable time with Greg. We still care a lot for each other.  That's apparent. I am very thankful that I can talk to him openly about whatever. Our relationship (formerly a couple and our current status), other people and just life in general. It's really dope.  Even though I honestly have no idea where we will end up, at least I know that I have a friend.

What else is going on.. Hmmm Mom is allergic to Ranch sunflower seed... and subsequently Benadryl... Damn near scared me this week due to her ER visits
My hair is growing back nicely
Ummm.. Ive been going to Museums of lately. Feeling cultured and what not ^_^

And while I still remember, why is it that people are so quick to say they miss you or wanna see you but never follow up on actions? And not even hang out or anything but even maintain healthy conversation.  I could go through my inbox and look but it's not worth it. So many men. A waste of time. Im glad that I never invested much because you aren't worth it. At all.

And for a change, I feel like I have said all I've wanted to say. Tired anyway. Gotta brush the teeth and go night night.. Adieu

Hello 26

My birthday has come, and gone in a very graceful manner.  I find that as I get older I have less desire to go out and more desire to stay home or just loaf around in sweats and fuzzy slippers.  My 26th fell on a Monday. I did nothing Friday. I did nothing Saturday. Sunday my ex took me out to see stomp followed by a delicious dinner at Brazil Brazil. On my birthday my girls took me to Buddakan (Asian fusion) and we also had a fabulous dinner and i got my wallet in a lovely wrapped box.

My friends asked me what I have planned for 26. Nothing in particular except to better myself and truly get my future together. I will make a more earnest effort towards grad school having decided that I want to be in school for Fall 2013. Anything before then will be undoubtedly forced and Id rather that not be the case.

I also celebrate 15 years of friendship with my BFF (who's birthday was this past sunday). Its really dope to see someone mature from adolescence into adulthood, and do so beautifully.

Well, that's it for now. I guess more to report next time. Adieu