Those magical words

Not the manners related ones. Please. Thank you. Excuse me. Blah Blah.. I'm just going to give you the benefit that you were raised with them and exercise them as necessary.

I. LOVE. YOU.

Three words that hold so much weight. Love is a word so casually strewn that I exercise caution when I use it. Some people don't.

I love my family. 6:30 all day. (think about it)
I love my friends.
I love my boyfriend.

Yea, I said it. I love my boyfriend. No, the world isn't ending LOL. But loving and being in love are two different things. Why do I love him? Cause he embodies awesomeness. Intelligent. Attractive. Caring. Great conversationalist. Hardworking. Amusing. Protective. I can go on, but I dont need to. I never once regretted time spent with him. A lot of the time we are together we are just talking about the craziest of things. Mind your business on when we arent talking.. HAHA. Last topic: viciousness versus malice and which one of us was worse in the relationship. He said im vicious.. LOL.. I beg to differ.

As for being in love... IDK.. they say you just know.. and Dannielle doesnt know. But I know I really care about him and I miss him. And it bothers me when i dont see or talk to him when i want to. I partially frown upon myself for the gayness of previous statements..lol.. However, I will say this. I dont think that it is hard to fall in love with him. I really dont. Our relationship is an odd one. Not the circumstances or anything, just the individuals in it. But it feels right.

"what if.. what if.. what if [s]he's the one?" ~Andre 3000 "Where Are My Panties"

And if he is, then I surely dont mind.

"Love can feel so good and suddenly its over"~ Ryan Leslie "Out of the blue"

True, but I'm living for the moment and right now it feels amazing. I think it can only get better.


And of course my iTunes is psychic.. running a crap load of love songs even when on shuffle.

"She Will be Loved" Maroon 5

I will be. By whoever is lucky to have me =)

For trivial purposes, as I have been listening to mixtapes all damn day .
Side bar: I be on my hood ish. I love a good mixtape. In theory I should be rapping or ghostwriting but Ill leave it to the people who truly have the desire and skill to do so.

As i was listening to Big Sean ( signed with Kanye G.O.O.D. Music... his fine self) mixtape Finally Famous Vol. 3 "Memories" I caught this line

"Are you willing to give up what you love for who you love?"

Just a question...


Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member.

My father and I.

Funny I chose this picture especially considering topic discussed.Not once as far as I can recall has he ever told me "I love you." The closest I got was "You know what Dannielle, I like you". I hung up on him and didnt speak to him for a few weeks after that. But i was in my early teens. Cried.. kicked a fuss. Got over it. I think that my father just has expression issues. Im talked of very highly apparently. Every time I go to DC its like Im the golden child. ( I mean I am his ONLY child. I damn well better be the golden child)

I think I've grown to accept my father. Some days I can even say I like him, with a smile even. LOL. Dont hate him as I used to. I cant say I love him, but above all he is my father and nothing will ever change that . I was talking to Annie P (Click her name and check her blog) and she was like "all fathers dont get gold stars".. I had to laugh cuz at the very least, the gold star my father can get are for his genes contribution. He helped make me one fine specimen if i do say so myself *dusts shoulder*.

Anyway.. Lemme end this blog (which i thought would have been short.) If you love someone, tell them. You don't know what the future holds.

Misery

I am not in your shoes. You are not in mine. Yet and still I feel that there decisions that you could have made that wouldn't have you feeling the way you do - miserable. Like any other emotions you have, you can take control of it. I'm not saying you are not allowed to feel miserable but more often than not if you are unhappy I gotta question why that may be the case

I was texting my friend today... and it was generic chat. You know what's up, how are you and things of that nature. So conversation proceeds as such.

Her: On my way to school
Me: Yay school!
Her: LOL neva yay
Me: lol.. but ur getting ur JD next year tho
Her: So what. I hate law

Side bar: I missed the so "what" factor earlier. I didnt think getting your JD was something to just say so what towards. Juris Doctorate for those who dont know what JD stands for

Me: Do you really?
Her: Yea I hate school
Me: Hating school is different from hating law
Her: I hate law as well
Me: So why do it if you hate it
Her: Too far in
Me: I gather but why even start
Her: B/c I had nothing else to do at the time


I didnt reply back because i didn't quite know what to say ... that and I had work to do

I pose this question to anyone who reads this: If you have nothing else to do, would you go to law school knowing you dont like law and you dont like school? Now my answer off the bat would be no. I dont do things I dont want to do if I dont have to do it. I dont get it. I really dont.

I can be miserable when I am ready and I know that. I also know that I choose those moods. It is much easier to be mad and miserable than it is to be happy and what not.

Long story short: Pick your poison.

If people choose to be miserable, there is nothing you can do about it because that is what they choose. You cannot choose for them. You can only help people who want to help themselves. It is said that misery loves company but that aint company I want to keep. When Im miserable I dont even want to bother people with my woes. It's selfish. I dont want you to feel bad because I feel bad but we are human. Shyt happens.

With that being said, I am gonna take my behind to sleep because I will surely be miserable tomorrow if i dont get enough of it.

Randomness my boss writes

I am a big fan of Dr. Seuss. BIG. I guarantee that my children will have most, if not all of his books to read. To this day I still Google and watch "The Lorax" if I am bored enough. I watch it solely for the barbaloots. They are mad cute. The Lorax is just a a tight wad, but with good reason. "I speak for the trees for the trees have no tongues."

Barbaloots... LOL

No, this is not a pointless tangent. I mention Dr. Seuss because I use a quote of his as my signature when I send emails.

"Today you are you, this is truer than true, there's no one alive that's youer than you!"

My boss proceeds to respond to my email with the following:

This is for you. Not me. Not him or her.
To everyone else I cannot defer
For him and her are not you.
Even me is not you, you know that to be true.
So enjoy every minute, every hour, every day
What more is there to say? Nothing!
So you are you and you are "D"
That's the way it is. So let it be.

Cute. Ode to Dr. Seuss i suppose. I appreciate the cheesy gimmicks. LOL.

Quantities of Life

How much is too much?
How soon is too soon?
How late is too late?

Just amongst my questions about the quantities of life. And this can be applied to a spectrum of things. Love. Goals. Relationships. Food. You already know food had to get thrown in.

How much is too much? How much bull shyt do you have to tolerate from someone or something before you let go, say fuck it and / or fuck em up. Be passive about it? Cry a little bit. Pick up the pieces. Keep it moving. Love too much? I don't quite think that you can love too much but if you love something to the point where it clouds the better judgment in matters... Yea, that is a bit much.

How soon is too soon? From a relationship standpoint. This particular question regarding said standpoint is hard to describe. First thing- how soon should one get into a new relationship? Weeks, months, years.. what? I know some people who love being in relationships. I have no problem with that. What i have a problem with is people who feel the need to be in one to assess self worth. That is the worst. With that being said, i feel like they should be the main ones not jumping into new relationships anytime soon just because I think they should learn how to enjoy being single. Purely my opinion. I broke up with my ex July 09. I have been with Greg officially for about a month (we met in august). That's almost 2 years for me. Why so long for me? Aside from the fact i typically avoid relationships like the plague, I needed to make sure that I was ok and not extremely bitter regarding my break up and wanted to keep the amount of proverbial baggage limited to a clutch. I did, I have Greg, and I are Happy =)

But for people who are coming out of extremely long relationships? How soon is too soon for you?

Second thing- How soon is too soon to be chillin with your ex. Let's define chill. Movies, dinner, maybe a lounge for a drink. Kicking it wherever. Nothing romantic just relaxed atmosphere. I had a bad day the other day and long story short my ex was like "maybe i should take out my homie D Nice to cheer her up" .. I said that's nice of you.. he said "Well since you insist, where would u like to go" ... I didnt quite respond.. Hell, I didn't even ask him to take me out... He later proceeds to tell me wear heels. (because he likes ladies in them *steups*)

PAUSE

Dinner? Fine. Heels? Arrrr *Scooby Doo Voice*

Lemme put you on game. This is my ex; for whom I couldn't give a damn about for the past 2 years and up until last week i have never looked at him without a feeling of disgust. Sean (my ex) has a GF. I could care less. He ain't seen her in a month and change because she is pledging. Again, IDGAF. But because I feel down, he volunteers to take me out. *raised eyebrow*

Now you know and I know that i have no intentions of giving that boy anything more than civil conversation and a hug at most. But even so, I asked 4 people for advice. Take up the offer for free dinner (nom nom nom) or decline due to the fact im in a brand new relationship and have respect for Greg. All said no. I had my doubts about it to begin with. I mean, if I have to deliberate over something as simple as dinner, I shouldn't go anyway. I kindly declined and he said the offer stands and can be cashed in at any time. I asked him why doesn't he take out any of his other lady friends. He said he had none that he wanted to take out. He is not as much of a ladies man as he thought he was.

BIG. FUCKING. HA.

Above all that, Im glad that we are on speaking terms. But I aint going back to Sean. He is and ex for a reason. Besides, Greg is awesomer. =)


How late is too late? 2 minutes. 15 minutes. 3 hours. A few days. One weeks. Months. Years.....


I dont like lateness. Never did. I roll up to my job 10 minutes late because I know there are no consequences and why am I in an office at 9 am knowing ima be here alone in silence until at least 9:30 .. Yeah.. NEXT.. I dont like people who have no regard for my time and are late if we are meeting up. That was a major qualm in college. Niggas... always wanna be fashionably late..

I can get over things like that. Late apologies, not really. Depending on who it's from. Money returned late? hell no. Ungrateful shoesbrush ass negros. Im not concerned about the money really. More so the principle of things, but these days alot of people are lacking scruples. Late apologies are amongst the worst thought. By the time you get them you are usually 1- over it or 2- bitter about it and then it boils down to the apology meaning not one thing. I speak from experience. Oh well.. such is life.

Too much. Too soon. Too late. It varies for people. I know what works for me. Find what works for you. As they say "Too much or too little of one thing is no good"

And for today's challenge

Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you.

[insert your picture here]


Chances are if you are reading this, you mean a lot to me. Yeah I cheated, but eff it. YOU mean alot to me. Shouts to you!

Meltdown...

I was actually on a ball rolling with the job research but I had to stop because I need to write. Well, I want to write. A lot has been going on for me and I guess it is finally time that I put everything down on paper. Not in the literal sense considering the only thing I actually write with my hands are messages.

I had a melt down yesterday. All due to the fact that I have a job that's playing with my money and due to financial issues popping up because of that, it all boiled down to the fact that I am NOT where I think I should be in life. Tears,twitter rant, silent screams, lack of eating, lack of conversation, and a really good nap and varying length of conversations to get over this hump. In essence I feel/felt like a waste of matter. I am 25 years old and I feel like I have nothing to show for it. Keep in mind the word FEEL. Im beautiful. (And shallow obviously, LOL) Intelligent. I have a BS in Civil Engineering (sitting in the same envelope it came it on that warm august day) and i passed my FE (the 8 hour test towards professional engineering licensure). Great friends and family. An awesome boyfriend. I am blessed and highly favored and I need to realize that no one can take these things away from me because they aren't going anywhere. In time I will get what is due to me. Patience is not a virtue i have, but Ima have to either develop or buy some.Im going to be hopping around a bit so stay up if you can. Sorry, that is just how I think.

I emphasized the word feel earlier because I had a good convo with a friend. Amazing how emotions "affect our lives and influences our reality...How you feel literally affects your bio-molecular chemistry" In prior entries I mentioned how being positive has led me to have a popping ass 2011 thus far.. I tripped... and i fell... but im up and at it again. So I'm back on my black stallion and we gonna ride out into the sunset of success. *cue clint eastwood jingle*

With that being said, after my nap i ensued on an earnest job hunt and started editing my resume. I set a goal. I am leaving my present job by the fall. Winter 11/12 will not find me in that office. I am capable of so much more. I refuse to settle. I will get what I want. They don't appreciate me enough for what I do, and of lately it has been alot. I do it because I know i can do it and I am not lazy but they playing games and I aint with it one bit.

Minor points made after my meltdown:
Ash the bff suggests that maybe i should choose other venues to air my emo troubles out as opposed to twitter. She respects the fact i do. I respect her opinion. But i like twitter.. Its like an odd group therapy session. It works for me. Lord knows im not consistent with the blogging.

Rinaldy said something to me that really shook me up..in a good way. He asked how i felt this morning and I said that i was living, but didnt feel alive. "...don't focus on the past or the future, and live in the moment fully, you'll be alive again" He also said "don't try, just set your mind to do. Trying leaves room for failure and doubt." Aint that the damn truth. No more trying. Just gonna be like Nike and do it.

[Random fact: Nike is the Greek word meaning "victory". According to legend after the Battle of Marathon a messenger ran 26 miles to the city and said "nike" (we won) and collapsed due to exhaustion. This is origin of marathons ]

Chris was another one who made another valid point. I'm 25 years old and that's still young. "The whole career from young and etc is too overrated. you got time still" Hard to even get started young with that catch 22 of hiring .. companies look for experienced individuals but no one is hiring you to get it... i will never understand that.

Id like to thank my other friends who reached out to me. I love y'all and I appreciate it far beyond words.

In other news....

I ran into my ex last sunday. For the first time in 2 years since we broke up i didnt feel angst towards him. I was actually glad to see him. Dropped me home in his new benz as opposed to me opting to take the B41 home. I am NOT a fool. So we have been playing nice for the most part minus him pissin me off when he asked why my beau has me on a bus and aint driving me around. I called him shallow. and went off.. but he apologized and its ok now. He actually hit me up today to ask if i was ok. Like he cares more about me out of the relationship. Odd, but cool. Again, I appreciate the support from whatever source it may be.

Now, I've mentioned my beau alot. Never quite "introduced" him. Not necessary but he is a part of my life. Ive grown "fond" of him. Fond. He uses that word quite often. Mom likes him. Sibs like him. He likes them. He likes my friends, those who he met. and my friends like him. Even the ones who havent met him (yet). He is just that awesome. I now present Greg

aka Karate Kid (via Chris) aka Spring Roll (via Kirk) aka Hitler (via me.. do not ask.. LOL)Random Saturday night together

All this guy like to do is kick.. always wanna kick someone in their jaw

I dont know how to describe him aside from the fact he is unlike anyone I have ever met. As odd as he is, and as odd as I am, we work together and it keeps us happy.

I dont think i can write anymore right now. Im actually getting tired. Maybe I will write in the morning.

And for the hell of it

Day 25 - A picture of your day.

City Hall Records

I looked through books older than my mother just to find actual paper documentation regarding the change of a street status. This has gone on for two weeks. Looking through books older than my grandma and dusting book and map bits off of my pants because they are that old. City Records is cool tho. Didn't have much time to gander at the architecture. On that note. Next blog.

I could just beat myself senseless

Seriously.

This is what happens when you start to work 7 days a week and get caught up in work and well, life in general. There has been so so so so much going on. I need to finish my 30 day challenge which has possibly mutated into a 3 month one.. shame... Spring is literally right around the corner.. the birds chirp almost every goddamn day... i know its not a bad thing but u ever want some silence... and these muh fuckas is chirping.. like shaddup already!!

i have a severe case of ADD right now. Im having problems finishing this post due to twitter and Lupe.

Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change

The world.

It isn't really a far-fetched idea. I could become a PE and help build shelters in third world countries. Become rich and be a philanthropist. End world hunger. End poverty. Rid the world of disease and war. Most importantly get rid of the freaking idiots. It pains my soul when people don't utilize common sense. I swear it does. Them folks should just be ostracized and placed on an island to live in solitude.


IN OTHER NEWS....

The girl with the dragon tattoo was poppin!!! I need to read the other books

Cut my hair... im looking uber swanky

Yes, I am ridiculous like that. I love my cut and also need to get it done

Oh, and those are the babies.. I loves dem. <3

OK.. so i think that I am going to go to bed soon.. im getting tired... til next blog..hopefully tomorrow