Meltdown...

I was actually on a ball rolling with the job research but I had to stop because I need to write. Well, I want to write. A lot has been going on for me and I guess it is finally time that I put everything down on paper. Not in the literal sense considering the only thing I actually write with my hands are messages.

I had a melt down yesterday. All due to the fact that I have a job that's playing with my money and due to financial issues popping up because of that, it all boiled down to the fact that I am NOT where I think I should be in life. Tears,twitter rant, silent screams, lack of eating, lack of conversation, and a really good nap and varying length of conversations to get over this hump. In essence I feel/felt like a waste of matter. I am 25 years old and I feel like I have nothing to show for it. Keep in mind the word FEEL. Im beautiful. (And shallow obviously, LOL) Intelligent. I have a BS in Civil Engineering (sitting in the same envelope it came it on that warm august day) and i passed my FE (the 8 hour test towards professional engineering licensure). Great friends and family. An awesome boyfriend. I am blessed and highly favored and I need to realize that no one can take these things away from me because they aren't going anywhere. In time I will get what is due to me. Patience is not a virtue i have, but Ima have to either develop or buy some.Im going to be hopping around a bit so stay up if you can. Sorry, that is just how I think.

I emphasized the word feel earlier because I had a good convo with a friend. Amazing how emotions "affect our lives and influences our reality...How you feel literally affects your bio-molecular chemistry" In prior entries I mentioned how being positive has led me to have a popping ass 2011 thus far.. I tripped... and i fell... but im up and at it again. So I'm back on my black stallion and we gonna ride out into the sunset of success. *cue clint eastwood jingle*

With that being said, after my nap i ensued on an earnest job hunt and started editing my resume. I set a goal. I am leaving my present job by the fall. Winter 11/12 will not find me in that office. I am capable of so much more. I refuse to settle. I will get what I want. They don't appreciate me enough for what I do, and of lately it has been alot. I do it because I know i can do it and I am not lazy but they playing games and I aint with it one bit.

Minor points made after my meltdown:
Ash the bff suggests that maybe i should choose other venues to air my emo troubles out as opposed to twitter. She respects the fact i do. I respect her opinion. But i like twitter.. Its like an odd group therapy session. It works for me. Lord knows im not consistent with the blogging.

Rinaldy said something to me that really shook me up..in a good way. He asked how i felt this morning and I said that i was living, but didnt feel alive. "...don't focus on the past or the future, and live in the moment fully, you'll be alive again" He also said "don't try, just set your mind to do. Trying leaves room for failure and doubt." Aint that the damn truth. No more trying. Just gonna be like Nike and do it.

[Random fact: Nike is the Greek word meaning "victory". According to legend after the Battle of Marathon a messenger ran 26 miles to the city and said "nike" (we won) and collapsed due to exhaustion. This is origin of marathons ]

Chris was another one who made another valid point. I'm 25 years old and that's still young. "The whole career from young and etc is too overrated. you got time still" Hard to even get started young with that catch 22 of hiring .. companies look for experienced individuals but no one is hiring you to get it... i will never understand that.

Id like to thank my other friends who reached out to me. I love y'all and I appreciate it far beyond words.

In other news....

I ran into my ex last sunday. For the first time in 2 years since we broke up i didnt feel angst towards him. I was actually glad to see him. Dropped me home in his new benz as opposed to me opting to take the B41 home. I am NOT a fool. So we have been playing nice for the most part minus him pissin me off when he asked why my beau has me on a bus and aint driving me around. I called him shallow. and went off.. but he apologized and its ok now. He actually hit me up today to ask if i was ok. Like he cares more about me out of the relationship. Odd, but cool. Again, I appreciate the support from whatever source it may be.

Now, I've mentioned my beau alot. Never quite "introduced" him. Not necessary but he is a part of my life. Ive grown "fond" of him. Fond. He uses that word quite often. Mom likes him. Sibs like him. He likes them. He likes my friends, those who he met. and my friends like him. Even the ones who havent met him (yet). He is just that awesome. I now present Greg

aka Karate Kid (via Chris) aka Spring Roll (via Kirk) aka Hitler (via me.. do not ask.. LOL)Random Saturday night together

All this guy like to do is kick.. always wanna kick someone in their jaw

I dont know how to describe him aside from the fact he is unlike anyone I have ever met. As odd as he is, and as odd as I am, we work together and it keeps us happy.

I dont think i can write anymore right now. Im actually getting tired. Maybe I will write in the morning.

And for the hell of it

Day 25 - A picture of your day.

City Hall Records

I looked through books older than my mother just to find actual paper documentation regarding the change of a street status. This has gone on for two weeks. Looking through books older than my grandma and dusting book and map bits off of my pants because they are that old. City Records is cool tho. Didn't have much time to gander at the architecture. On that note. Next blog.