VOILA!

So I left with the post M_____ Christmas. I figured out why I was so goddamn miserable. I was lonely.
Shocker, no? Me. Lonely. One who loves silence and alone time. Lonely. I mean half my family was gone and that made for an EXTREMELY quiet christmas.  When I realized that I wasn't spending any kind of time with my friends either that made matters worse.  I did manage to get out on Boxing Day and that made me feel a whole lot better. I even gave the Stapleton clan some gifts. Mini Santa Claus of some sort.

If there was anything I learned from this holiday, I learned that it really aint shit without people you care about. I mean I knew that before but I didn't think it could be so damn painful. I didn't miss gifts. I never been the materialistic kind. I cherish friends and family for sentimental value. Not what they can provide for me physically. Don't get me wrong though, I do like gifts. Of the monetary kind. Or electronic. Or a good book. You get the point.

In other news,
End of the year is steadfast approaching. Thankfully. What a full year. What a fast year. Looking forward to seeing you 2012. You and I will be doing quite a bit this year.

I guess thats it. Back to Undun and my book.  I'll try and squeeze a blog before the year's end.

M________ Christmas

Insert the M word of your choice.  For me it may just be mundane. Melancholy. Miserable perhaps.  Not merry. And I find it ironic that as much as I like to get away from my family the holidays are pretty damn dry without them. Half my family is gone. Although I thoroughly enjoy the silence, it is still odd. No tree. A few jokes but nothing Christmas-y about today at all. Today was the first Christmas that I spent with minimal amount of relatives and no friends. I spent most of my day sleeping. I only got up to eat. Socialize a bit and took my ass right back to bed because there was nothing else to do. I got about 11 merry christmas texts, to all of which i replied same to you. I didn't say merry christmas to anyone except on twitter at the stroke of midnight. Im not feeling merry so i aint feigning like I am. I got one thing for christmas. A flask I asked for within my secret santa with friends. Ive made use of that. Blessed it with some Bacardi gold.

I think that that is about all of the joy I might have gotten this whole weekend. And it was in a container. Literally. 

Mom said something to me that threw me for a loop yesterday as I asked her if Domo went to Canada. Domo is my sisters boyfriend.  She replied of course emphatically. He is a part of the family. One day you will have a bf who will be just like that, and God help us all. Or rather, God help him. I just said thanks mom. You made me sound like a defect.  She asked me if I thought I wouldn't find someone like that. I said IDK. Im not looking. She said you don't have to look. She did apologize because that was never her intent to make me feel a way about it. Yet, and still I do.

So as I said, Ive spent most of my day sleeping and away from people in general. I sat at my kitchen table eating a late dinner watching favorite videos on YouTube.  The only holiday that I ever had a bf was when I was with Sean. And I brought him home to meet my mommy and my best friends and then  I went by him and I don't remember much aside from that. Ive always had family around and friends to bother on this day and this year it is so different. I know that I am a loner but I guess I have boxed myself in so much that I am now suffering from it. 

Im quite sure that me listening to the Carpenters isn't helping. 

Hope its a warm week. I have some running to do.

*Sigh*

5 O'Clock in the Morning....

No Pretty Ricky though. At 5 AM I was having a really dope conversation. Between lack of sobriety on his part and mostly fatigue on mine, I had quite the chat with this guy I met last night. I mean the time of this chat is neither here nor there (although I do find that the best conversations occur at ungodly hours of the day) but he made a rather valid statement. Your mid twenties are basically adult puberty.

I feel like as a 25 year old and perhaps other people within my age range go through what I have come to call a quarter life crisis. This falls between that time when you are not quite young as a 21 year old but not in your 30s where I feel that one should be formidably accomplished in life. I can not speak for others but I have had multiple occasions ( not often and not back to back) where I have questioned my purpose in life and what am I doing wrong to be where I am. I question (ed) what is it that makes me happy? What is success to me? How do I get there? So many questions and these are just to name a few. I found myself heavily disheartened by lack of job opportunities and lack of drive within myself. Saddened by the Catch 22 of employment. Saddened when I started to compare my status to others which is ultimately the worst thing to do. Discontent with oneself is a bitch.

I have moved past that for the most part and started working towards bettering myself as well as being content with self, which is no light feat. Got off my ass (and literally in one sense ) and got moving. Although I have fallen off the wagon of grad school I did start looking stuff up and I do have drafts of admissions essays. I started applying to jobs. I mean there aren't a lot but I did. I am just generally trying to work on me. Its in progress. Perpetually.

2012 will be quite the year considering I see a WHOLE lot of changes. I will be a better me. I promise you that.


Seemingly pointless blog.. But hey, Im blogging.

The year in review

Last official blog post was a full 6 months ago.  Me + Blogs + Dedication = DNE (Does Not Exist). However, in light of my other friends blogging more frequently, I decided I should try again. This time maybe I will actually click the submit button for it to be shared. I could let this fade completely into oblivion (being that I let my tumblr page do that) but my friend Jessica requested a link to my blog. Why? She would like to reference the person from whom she got pointers for running a 5K from no other person than this kid. *Points to self*


Yes, Ive started running again. Story of my life. Back and forth with everything I do. I try to spare myself that with men. Everything else tho I always come back to it. I guess it's ADD of some sort. Either way, I am back on my running kick. No pun intended. I find myself hoofing it around the park again because I am aiding Annie in her goal to get in shape. I too need to do the same, but for different purposes. I plan on running during the winter so that by the time spring approaches I'll be nice and lively and able to buss out a good 7 miles on any given day. Border line lunacy? Perhaps. Feasible? Definitely. End goal? Marathon. And I WILL get there.


But back to the actual post. Year in review which may be a little premature being 2 weeks shy of the new year. I figure I should write it closer towards the end but something tells me that that will not happen so I better get it all out while i have the inclination to do so.


2011 was an interesting one. That I will say. Full of ups and downs and curve balls. Twelve months is a long time. So much happened I barely know where to start. Aside from the obvious, I really don't know. In no particular order.


My 25th Birthday. Calm and Enjoyable
Got with Greg. Broke up with Greg.
Went to Miami with the girls. (July)
Went to Vegas with my sister and another set of negros (October)
Got my tattoo finished ( finally)
Cut my hair short in march. Started growing it back in July. I know. Mess.
Met some of the CKs
Found a great set of ladies with whom I can talk to about anything.


And that's pretty much the gist of my 2011. I don't remember anything I set out to do. I won't even set out for anything in 2012 either. I decided that it's better for me to keep it real generic because specific goals might not get accomplished and i'll just be sad at the fact I didn't do it. 2011 was a good year. I will not shy from the statement and I only expect 2012 to be better. Having cut off a lot of bad seeds and finding things that made and make me happy made for an enjoyable year. I plan to continue working on bettering myself in every which way possible. I have much growth to do. Mentally, physically, emotionally.  Just everything, and that's fine. Im 25. I have time.


Well, here goes my year in review. Maybe if Im frisky I'll write something tomorrow. Who knows...