M________ Christmas

Insert the M word of your choice.  For me it may just be mundane. Melancholy. Miserable perhaps.  Not merry. And I find it ironic that as much as I like to get away from my family the holidays are pretty damn dry without them. Half my family is gone. Although I thoroughly enjoy the silence, it is still odd. No tree. A few jokes but nothing Christmas-y about today at all. Today was the first Christmas that I spent with minimal amount of relatives and no friends. I spent most of my day sleeping. I only got up to eat. Socialize a bit and took my ass right back to bed because there was nothing else to do. I got about 11 merry christmas texts, to all of which i replied same to you. I didn't say merry christmas to anyone except on twitter at the stroke of midnight. Im not feeling merry so i aint feigning like I am. I got one thing for christmas. A flask I asked for within my secret santa with friends. Ive made use of that. Blessed it with some Bacardi gold.

I think that that is about all of the joy I might have gotten this whole weekend. And it was in a container. Literally. 

Mom said something to me that threw me for a loop yesterday as I asked her if Domo went to Canada. Domo is my sisters boyfriend.  She replied of course emphatically. He is a part of the family. One day you will have a bf who will be just like that, and God help us all. Or rather, God help him. I just said thanks mom. You made me sound like a defect.  She asked me if I thought I wouldn't find someone like that. I said IDK. Im not looking. She said you don't have to look. She did apologize because that was never her intent to make me feel a way about it. Yet, and still I do.

So as I said, Ive spent most of my day sleeping and away from people in general. I sat at my kitchen table eating a late dinner watching favorite videos on YouTube.  The only holiday that I ever had a bf was when I was with Sean. And I brought him home to meet my mommy and my best friends and then  I went by him and I don't remember much aside from that. Ive always had family around and friends to bother on this day and this year it is so different. I know that I am a loner but I guess I have boxed myself in so much that I am now suffering from it. 

Im quite sure that me listening to the Carpenters isn't helping. 

Hope its a warm week. I have some running to do.

*Sigh*